Department of Redundancy Department

In yesterday's Chicago Tribune, it took two writers to write this beauty of a sentence:

"Kenny and Ozzie do not have anywhere near the relationship they once had and it appears that they only deal with each other when absolutely necessary," said a longtime scout who has been around the big leagues for a long time. "If the team continues to struggle throughout the rest of the season it could become a bigger problem that will have to be dealt with."

I guess you could call these writers "editor-free writers whose writing is free of editors."

And the decline of newspapers continues.

Ty Cobb Caught Vandalizing Signs

I don't know if this is Cobb's grandson or not, but this Nevada politician seems hellbent on acting like the Ty Cobb we all know and hated:

Nevada Republican Assemblyman Ty Cobb of Reno is apologizing after a witness reported seeing him destroy a campaign sign belonging to Democratic Assemblywoman Sheila Leslie.

This happened last month, but his opponent has just created a new TV ad about it:



I asked the baseball Ty Cobb what he thought about this, and he laughed and laughed, just like the politician Ty Cobb. That's what makes me think they're related.

Here's what I want to know: What kind of asshole thinks it's a good idea to run for election using the same name as the biggest prick in the history of baseball, knowing that people are going to make the connection? Unless maybe his middle name is "Adolf" or "Pol Pot".

Repeal the 11th Amendment!

You know that I'm a political junkie, and I'm fascinated by the Tea Party movement. One of their central tenets seems to be repealing the 17th amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which allows for U.S. senators to be elected by the people rather than by state legislators. I couldn't agree more. We must end the tyranny of the popular vote. Goodbye, Democracy -- you had a good run, but we're just not that into you anymore.

While they're at it, I'd like to propose the repeal of another, more sinister amendment: The dreaded 11th:

The Judicial power of the United States shall not be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity, commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by Citizens of another State, or by Citizens or Subjects of any Foreign State.

WTF were those jackasses thinking when they created this pernicious amendment?

I strongly believe that the judicial power of the United States SHALL be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity, commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by Citizens of another State, or by Citizens or Subjects of any Foreign State.

Get that? SHALL be construed. Not SHALL NOT. That word "not" is the key word there. It means "don't" or "shouldn't." I believe in just the opposite. If you don't think repealing the 11th amendment will solve all our problems, you're not thinking creatively enough.

Just imagine a world in which the judicial power of the United States SHALL be construed to extend to any suit in law or equity, commenced or prosecuted against one of the United States by Citizens of another State, or by Citizens or Subjects of any Foreign State. That is a world that I would love to live in.

In fact, in my current existence out here, I am able to travel to an infinite number of alternate universes, and my favorite universe is the one in which there is no 11th amendment. There is also no war, no global warming, and no Glenn Beck.

So I say, Repeal the 11th amendment! Who's with me?

Votes of confidence

Never have I seen a manager go from getting a vote of confidence to getting fired faster than what happened to Trey Hillman. To wit:

On Tuesday, May 11, the Kansas City Star published an article with this headline: Royals' Hillman gets support from Moore.

“Trey is a tremendous leader,” general manager Dayton Moore said, “somebody who is very consistent with who is he is day in and day out. He’s exactly what our organization needs at this point in time.”

Today, just two days later, Hillman got fired.

"We felt a change was required," Moore said.

Reminds me of the time I gave a vote of confidence to Rose, my favorite lady at Madam Josephine's club, only to meet Ruby a few days later. I told Rose, "I just felt a change was required." She took it like the professional lady she was.

Sure, from an outsider's perspective, it would have seemed a little weird. But Ruby was awesome and you would've been on my side if you'd been there.

Dayton Moore, if you're reading, I got your back.

It's about time

I've had my people on Earth lobbying these guys for quite a while, and finally their efforts have come to fruition: I've been inducted into the World Sports Humanitarian Hall of Fame:

“Babe was one of the first Germans to disavow his German heritage during the second world war,” Humanitarian Hall of Fame president Rick Frisch said. “He created a children’s foundation with 10 percent of his estate when he died ... I think there’s a more kinder, gentler Babe Ruth than many people perceive.”

My little girl Julia is going to the ceremony on my behalf. Very touching. I'm a little humbled. No, that's not a tear in my eye! I just plucked a nosehair.

I've got a new fan

Reader P.Z. just loves the work I'm doing here at GOBR. He especially loves the comments I made about Arizona's new anti-immigrant law. Here's what P.A. wrote:

Read the damn Arizona law before you mouth off about it. It does no such thing. You sound like another marxist jerk.

The rest of the email is even more insulting, and I'm sure he didn't really mean it. I am Babe Ruth, after all. People love me!

A couple points I'd like to make in my defense:

- I checked into what the law really does, and I was pretty close in my description. But I was wrong about police being able to tattoo the letter "I" on people's foreheads. My bad. Instead, all the police get is a legal right to hassle and possibly arrest anyone who doesn't have "papers." I remember when I was alive, I used to carry my papers with me everywhere. Everyone has papers, right?

- I'm really sorry for my little mistake. I pride myself on never making mistakes or exaggerating the truth. I'm kinda like Fox News in that regard: 100% accurate at all times. I'll bet P.Z. is very familiar with Fox News. That must be why he loves my site so much.

I don't want this to get too serious. Immigration is a real problem in America, just like it's a problem out here, too. The person in charge out here is letting everyone in. The official rule is that all they have to do is die and then theyy can hang out with Hall of Famers like me. Even if they're National Leaguers! But in reality, out here, we do check their papers and segregate National Leaguers into a separate area. We only let them mingle with us if they praise the designated hitter. We give them a path to become honorary American Leaguers.

So P.Z., come back to the site. I promise to be ultra-precise and respectful whenever I talk about shit in the future. Just like Rush Limbaugh.

Greatest New York Ballplayers on MSG

Last Friday, I talked about how the MSG Network -- the one that Chinese restaurants love to hate -- is running a TV series where some experts pick the greatest New York player at each position. They also have an interactive game where you, who probably know as much about baseball as the experts, can choose your own lineup. Here's a link to their website. If you have some time to kill, it's fun to play with it. What else are you gonna do, watch kitten videos on YouTube?

Anyway, the next show is on Tuesday (tomorrow), and they're gonna choose right fielders, so you might wanna get your Chinese food to go and watch the show from home. Here are the nominees for greatest right fielder in New York baseball history:

- Babe Ruth
- Mel Ott
- Reggie Jackson
- Darryl Strawberry
- Willie Keeler
- Roger Maris
- Carl Furillo
- Babe Herman
- Dixie Walker
- Rusty Staub

Um, this is going to be the shortest show in the history of TV. What is there to debate? I really feel bad for all those guys and their families, having to go up against me. They should put me in a separate category and let the others fight it out for the scraps. As for who I would choose #2, it would be Ott. The guy was short and powerful and a nice guy. He's the Nice Guy Who Finished Last, according to Leo Durocher. But he could hit.

Now that I've taken care of right field (twice), I'd like to tackle the other positions. Warning: Fans of the Mets, New York Giants, and Brooklyn Dodgers may be disappointed.

Catcher: Bill Dickey (I knew him and loved him; Berra always rubbed me the wrong way, so he can hit the fork in the road and take it)

1st Base: Lou Gehrig (the only question here is why his stats aren't listed on the MSG stats page. Somebody at MSG owes Lou an apology, and don't think he'll forgive and forget. He and his mom are ruthless.)

2nd Base: Jackie Robinson (Much as I love Lazzeri, I gotta give the Dodgers at least one member. I'll make it up to Tony at my next party.)

Shortstop: Derek Jeter (He's a born leader whose skills transcend the stats page. I believe he's never made a fielding error.)

3rd Base: A-Rod (kind of a weak position historically, so I'll give it to the current guy. The dude needs a little love.)

LF: Bob Meusel (would've picked Rickey Henderson if he'd played with the Yanks longer; might have picked Winfield because he gets extra points for sticking it to Steinbrenner, but I can't go against my teammate here. He knows shit about me that I wouldn't want to get out. Winfield is #2.)

RF: Is there any doubt?

CF: Mickey Mantle (tough choice between him and Joe D. but I think Mickey was a better player, and he's a lot more fun. He and I party together all the time out here)

RHP: Tom Seaver (gotta give a Met a chance here)

LHP: Earl Hubbell (here's your token New York Giant; I've already talked about how he's the toughest pitcher I ever faced)

RP: Mo Rivera (he's as much of a no-brainer in the bullpen as I am in right field)

Manager: Nobody. Do you really think it took any skill to win all those pennants with the players the Yankees had? Well, I guess it took one skill: writing. He had to write all our names into the lineup card. But I'm pretty sure every manager in the history of the Yankees, Mets, Giants, and Dodgers knew how to write (with the possible exception of Stump Merrill), so everybody's about even in this category.

So there you go. Evidently, they're still going to actually show the programs even though I've made my selections, so as long as you don't mind ignoring the boycott by Chinese restaurants, you should tune in to MSG and watch the program to see how right I am.