Earl Woods is Pissed

Tiger's dad just watched the Tiger commercial, and he sought me out because he knows I have this blog that is read by millions of smart and wonderful fans. Here's the ad in case you haven't seen it:



When I saw it, my first thought was, WTF? Turns out, Earl's reaction was more like WTF?!?!?!?!?

Earl doesn't even remember saying those things, and he thinks that what they did was put take a bunch of his recordings and splice them all together, Roger Ebert-style, to create the commercial.

I asked him what he would really be saying to Tiger in this situation. He said he already has spoken to Tiger about the scandal when he visited one of Tiger's dreams. Here's what he told him in that dream:

Tiger, this is not the way we raised you. We raised you to stand up for your beliefs, not apologize and cower at the first sign of trouble. And your core belief is that, whatever you do, you do 110%... whether you're playing golf, or you're whoring yourself out to whatever corporate sponsor will have you, or you're having sex with as many ladies as possible. Where most golfers lay up and go for par, you get out the wood and go for the birdie. Where most married men stay faithful or maybe have one or two affairs, you have one or two affairs PER WEEK. That's who you are. That's who we raised you to be. You're Tiger fucking Woods.

And when you get caught--yes, it was inevitable you'd get caught--you don't apologize for it. You embrace it! You say, Yes, me likey the ladies! (Or however you want to say it.) You remind people that If they were in your shoes, they'd do the same. But of course, nobody could ever fill your shoes. Because you're Tiger fucking Woods.

Now get back out there. Go break Nicklas's record for winning Major tournaments. And break Wilt Chamberlain's record for bedding the ladies. I will accept nothing less.

Well said, Earl. People have been calling Tiger Woods "The Babe Ruth of Golf" for years. If he follows Earl's advice, he will have truly earned the honor.