Where's the baseball?

People have been asking me, Babe, why aren't you talking about baseball? Why have you been wasting your time with all these distractions like Vanna White and Jim Bunning and Lou Gehrig's mom? Don't you know baseball season is starting soon?

Yes, no shit baseball is starting soon. The key word there is "soon." It hasn't started yet.

Oh sure, spring training has started, but the news is so, so boring. Do you think ol' Babe gives a crap whether Justin Upton has signed a new contract, or who Baseball American's top prospects are, or what some traitorous ex-Yankee who is dead to me thinks about his new team? No, no, and hell no.

Sure, I care about baseball, but I have other interests too. The off-season is when I broaden my horizons. Don't snicker. Screw you for snickering.

This off season, for example, I learned a great deal about the U.S. Senate filibuster. Did you know that it only takes one asshole to gum up the entire U.S. government? If Cobb had known that, he would have gone into politics, and, while America as a whole would have suffered dearly, maybe the Detroit Tigers would've actually won a World Series during that time. (Snap!)

Anyhoo, real baseball will be here soon enough and my brain will be focused like a damn LASER beam on the subject. That means soon you'll once again be getting the most insightful baseball analysis and the most fascinating and well-told baseball stories available anywhere on the web.

In the meantime, stay tuned for upcoming posts about life, politics, Megan Fox, and other worthy subjects.