Just a few more days to go

Opening Day can't get here soon enough. I mean, as I've mentioned before, time has no meaning in my current state. It moves in all directions simultaneously, not just forward, so actually I've experienced the 2010 baseball season an infinite number of times already. I wish I could tell you what's going to happen so you can place bets and shit, but the truth is, I have no idea how it's going to turn out in your universe. Most likely, the Yankees are going to win another World Series, but you should check out the universe where Neifi Perez comes out of retirement to win the Triple Crown, the Pirates beat the Royals in the Series, and Glenn Beck goes back on his meds. Crazy, crazy stuff.

Anyhoo, I was perusing your internets and came across a feature on Sports Illustrated that highlights the 10 greatest baseball teams of all time, as chosen by some typist named Tom Verduchi. Every time I see these kinds of features, I always cringe a little because too many of them display an utter lack of respect for my 1927 Yankees. But in this case I have to give credit where it's due. Tom, you are my new favorite typist. You've even got my 1932 team in there for good measure. Meantime, you've only got two teams in there from the past 40 years. Way to suck up to us old-timers, Tommy!

Now, some people want to discount the accomplishments of my team because we played in the days before integration, and all the best black and Latino ballplayers were kept out of the game. My response to that is always the same: Yes, and some people also wear adult diapers because they like the way they feel. Do we trust those diaper-wearing freaks with the nuclear launch codes? No we don't. So why should we trust them with historical analysis? You see what I'm getting at.

Only five more days till Opening Day!